Waiting game

One of my classmates/friends/co-practicum students came up to me this morning and asked how I was doing with the countdown-- she said that every morning she wakes up and thinks "Only 10 days left" (at least, that's today's count....) I know the match has been on my mind a lot lately, but I can honestly say it was completely out of my awareness when she asked me.... I guess being worried about other things has a way of doing that!

In short, I'm not sure - but my grandfather may be dying. He has been doing poorly (cognitively & physically) for a while and was continuing to live in an apt (with a day nurse and my aunt staying with him at nighttime). I visited briefly when I was there for my interviews (week #2) and it was clear that grandpa's mind was declining, and I worried about the toll it was taking on him (and my aunt who was caring for him). A few weeks back (i've really lost track of time, but I think it was after I got home from my last interview), I learned that he had been moved to a nursing home. The last 2 weeks have been a series of scattered messages from family: grandpa moved to a nursing home, grandpa went to the hospital because the nursing home isn't taking care of his medical needs, etc. This past Friday, the news was that he was doing better & his medical needs were being resolved at the hospital; on Sunday night; however, I got a call saying "grandpa is unresponsive". To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what this means; I just know that my mother is very worried (in flight as we speak, or maybe she's landed by now...) and that grandpa may, or may not, recover... the hardest part for me (right now at least) is not knowing: not knowing if there is something I could/should do, not knowing how long it will be before I get word (if he does decline), not knowing....so many things.

But, at least all of the family worries are bringing the stress of Match day into perspective. Of course I'm eager/nervous/excited to find out if/where I place for internship, but all of this family stuff reminds me of the greater importance in life: being there for one another, living a life I am proud of, continuing to grow as a person, and giving back to others where & how I am able. Perhaps some of this contemplation is coming due to my upcoming birthday, perhaps because I've had more time "in my head" while J. is traveling for work, or perhaps this is just my normal about of self-reflection, that is "louder" due to all of the life happening around me.